Featured Image Credit: Micha Brändli on Unsplash
The things that happen in our lives are neither good nor bad. We give events those titles. Now I hear you saying, “Losing a loved one is bad.” I’m not saying it isn’t horrible or painful. It is an event and gives it meaning.
For example, the death of a loved one can be traumatic and painful. It can also help us appreciate life, become more grateful for the time we have, and push us to purpose.
It can be a reminder that life is finite.
The ending of relationships can cause sadness and depression. I was out of sorts when my ex-fiance wanted to break our engagement. There was no cheating or scandal. It was the distance.
I was distraught about it for some time. Eventually, it was what fueled me to start taking more chances. To start being more confident. I became a better version of myself.
I did things I wouldn’t have dreamed of before.
After my dad passed away, I was devastated. A month later, my daughter was born. I had a greater appreciation for the time I had with my kids.
I am not saying these events don’t have value. Nor am I saying you shouldn’t feel hurt, angry, upset, or any other emotions accompanying the event.
You can grieve. You can feel those emotions but don’t let them control you. Don’t let loss or difficulties stunt who you are and who you can become.
An end is an end. Sometimes a loss is a loss. But often, there is rebirth, change, and something new in the ending.
If you are in a valley of life, here are three things that may help you respond, rather than react, to life.
Pause
I’ve noticed most of what gets people in trouble is the lack of time between a thought and words. Somebody insults another person on social media. The offended party responds with a quip of their own.
It happens in real life too. We don’t take time to think about how we will respond. It’s instinctual.
If you are short-tempered, you get mad at the drop of a hat. Cut-off in traffic? Instant rage. They impact our bodies even if we don’t act on these negative feelings.
Imagine you are behind on a project. Yelling at someone or something doesn’t help to solve the issue. Time does.
Take a moment to think about your situation. Think about the words said and whether there is a reason to respond.
When experiencing a difficult situation, sit and reflect on it. Be present at the moment.
By pausing, we calm our tempers, gather our emotions and make far better choices.
Consequences
When you pause, consider the consequences of your action. Will your anger at the moment ruin a relationship? Will your sadness cause you to make a regrettable decision?
Think about possible adverse outcomes if you react in an intended way.
People trying to seek revenge on trolls have had their entire lives ruined. Trolls trying to get one over people they dislike have received lawsuits.
I have watched far too many people get in bar fights or get shot over minor disagreements.
Is a parking space worth an altercation or injury? Because you don’t know how someone will respond to your reaction.
Instead, go through the possibilities and make the best decision for you. Not everything is worth a reaction.
Practice
The best way to make our knowledge permanent is through action. You won’t remember what you learn if you don’t apply it.
The Ebbinghaus Curve is a graph showing how our memory of something fades over time. This is why it is vital to act early and often.
Work on not reacting in low-pressure situations. What if someone spills a drink on you? Pause and consider the next move. Somebody says something to you or posts an insult.
Consider what, if any, action is appropriate.
Try applying these and any other techniques you’ve learned where applicable.
It also creates muscle memory. You will start to teach yourself to pause, consider consequences and respond appropriately.
What’s Next?
Often we find ourselves reacting to life. We react quickly. However, it can cause us problems. We can become emotionally overwhelmed. We can ruin friendships or behave in ways counter to our online brand.
Remember to pause before you react. Allow the feelings the pass-through and subside before you reply. Instantly responding doesn’t allow you to put care into the response.
Pausing can also help us in moments of sadness and grief. Remembering good times and appreciating the time we have remaining.
Consider the consequences. Think about the adverse impact your actions could have on you and others.
Practice in low-stakes situations. The more we apply our knowledge, the more we remember.
Life is full of ups and downs. It is up to us to determine how we respond to these flows. Our decisions in the heat of one moment can reverberate for much longer.
Do well to respond with care.