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I've always heard the term "looking at life through rose-colored glasses." Our experiences color our perception of life in general.
I had a conversation with my wife about this recently. I grew up in a large city. Densely populated. She grew up in less populated cities and towns but not in the country.
Less population equated to small-town schools—less exposure to the big city life.
I was sharing stories about why I'm always aware of my surroundings. In my hometown, you didn't often walk alone. If you did, you opened up to getting robbed depending on where you were and when.
I've watched gangs pull up on people and make threats. I've seen my friends get in fights. Threats from looking at someone "the wrong way" weren't uncommon.
I'm not saying I grew up in a hard place. It was just those types of incidents that colored my perception of life. I have some rose-colored glasses tempered by reality.
My wife never experienced those things. The thought of hiding valuables under a chair when you park your car never occurred to her.
She lived in a different place.
What would happen to a person growing up in a city where everyone who talked to you wanted something. There was always an angle to the conversation. They wanted you to do something for their benefit.
Anytime a person came to talk to you, defenses would go up. You would perceive their intention.
If a snake bit you as a child, it may trigger the perception that all snakes are bad. You survived a violent car wreck. It may make you apprehensive about driving again.
It doesn't matter the facts you share. It doesn't matter the statistical probability. What matters is how experience and emotion feed perceptions.
If you have had a bad experience with leadership or failed to manage others, you may eschew leadership roles. If you started a few failed businesses, you might not try again. While this can be helpful for survival, like many of our traits, it can also be a hindrance.
Our experiences could give us faulty perceptions that prevent us from pursuing our dreams.
To improve our decision-making, we need to separate from our biased perceptions. It is okay to acknowledge the experience. It happened. It can also be a helpful guide in your decision process.
It isn't always true. One or two bad situations don't mean it will always be wrong. Here are some things to keep in mind about perception.
It's All In Your Mind
According to an article from The Nature of Things website, "we don't really "see" color, but reflected light, as interpreted in our brain." (1)
We don't actually "see" color, but our brain interprets what we see. We perceive what we are seeing.
Our perception of things is in our heads. People say skydiving is dangerous, but so is flying in an airplane. Both activities are not statistically any more dangerous than driving in a car. We perceive flying and skydiving as more dangerous.
The combination of our beliefs, experiences, and knowledge creates a perception.
It may not be completely accurate. Your dislike of a person could be from a third-party and not your own lived experience.
Remember that your beliefs could be the product of your mind in any situation.
Instead, ask yourself, "Is this what I believe?" Or, "Why do I believe this to be true?"
Perceptions Can Change Over Time
How do prior events change our perceptions? For instance, imagine meeting someone for the first time and engaging in conversation, then meeting that person again a month later. Is your perceptual experience of the person's face the same a month later as when you first met? If not, what changes? (2)
I can think specifically about my time in the military stationed onboard an active Navy Amphibious Carrier. People were miserable. There were long days and challenging times. Looking back years later with the people I served with, they have mostly fond memories.
The bad times faded, and all they remembered were the good days.
Has your perception changed? Are you accurately perceiving the situation? It could be you remember something that didn't happen.
What do you remember about that situation? Is your memory accurate? Be aware that perceptions can change.
Everything We Do Colors Perception
While everything around us colors our perception, we are coloring the perception of those around us—your behavior in public colors the opinion of people who see you.
People are always watching how you conduct yourself and what you do and say.
By your very nature, you are influencing other people in, or adjacent to, your life. I've heard many examples of people saying how much another person influenced them. The key was they didn't even know the person. They saw how they interacted with people and how people received them.
This activity colored their perception of the person. In turn, it also influenced how they behaved, wanting to emulate it.
What's Next?
Our perception colors everything we encounter. Our perception comes from our experiences and knowledge.
We get so wrapped up in these perception-based decisions we sometimes fail to see our own bias. Those same experiences and knowledge that help us in life can also hurt.
We need to be aware to keep ourselves from allowing our perception to prevent us from something valuable. Understanding how our perceptions are colored goes a long way toward accomplishing this.
Realize perception is in your mind. The way we think things in our minds may not be accurate. Instead, it could be a story in our head based on experience.
Understanding perceptions can change over time. Just like everything in life, nothing maintains. We either decline or grow. Our perception of an event will change with time. Finding out the extent is the tricky part.
How we act and what we say dramatically affect how people see us. Others impact us, and we impact the perception of others on us.
Don't fall victim to poor perceptions and make bad decisions. One lousy action against you doesn't eliminate the value of an activity. Nor is the perception bias limited to us. Others see you through their lenses.
We can train their perception through our words and action when we understand that.
References
(1) CBC/Radio Canada. (n.d.). Your brain is lying to you - colour is all in your head, and other 'colourful' facts. CBCnews. Retrieved July 6, 2022, from https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/features/your-brain-is-lying-to-you-colour-is-all-in-your-head-and-other-colourful-f
(2) Ryan, J. D., Moses, S. N., Ostreicher, M. L., Bardouille, T., Herdman, A. T., Lily Riggs, & Tulving, E. (2008). Seeing Sounds and Hearing Sights: The Influence of Prior Learning on Current Perception. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 20(6), 1030–1042. https://doi.org/10.1162/jocn.2008.20075